Tired and angry

Tired and angry

May 27, 2014 at 12:41am

I am angry..
At what I can almost hear you ask me
I am mad at the world
At everything... And then at nothing
I don't understand the fury that surges up from the bottom of my stomach
Vain fury... At what?
Who knows?
I know
At her smug look
Like she put one over me
Like she left a loser like me stuck in the mud
While she rides on a snowy white horse
With a made man who is all a girl could ever want

I feel like I have lost it all
Which is insane cos I have a lot
I am tired of being the one with the bad end of the stick
I am tired of being the one who is forging on, my eyes ringing with the mocking of people who revel in my defeat
Sometimes I wonder what I can do so God will help me
Its like I am on a four lane road which leads nowhere
I wish someone could understand the need I have to head home
To stop bashing my head against a stone
I am tired of walking alone
Tired of mocking and smug looks at the emptiness of my zone
I am tired of being alone
Tired of the lack of substance in my home
God I am tired of this sick, weird game..
My own weird and personal game of thrones
If you do not save me
I am doomed to walk this earth on my own
I have a lot to do before I can grow
Help me Lord so I know
I do not fight this fight alone




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A cold thing and senseless feelings

A cold thing and senseless feelings

May 27, 2014 at 12:19am

Its cold...
It always is nowadays.
A man like me is supposed to walk alone
Because at this moment I have no real home
No place of abode
Only a heaviness of spirit, an emptiness that no substance could ever feel
Until this dream becomes real

No one can understand how I feel
No one knows how deep..
These wound go and how much they sting
No one knows how much I would give
For relief
I don't seem
To have strenght left in me to fight this thing
This is the time my father you could wade in and deliver me
I hurt her!!
And this is one thing I DO see.
However what to do about it seems impossible for me
I am at my wits end struggling for water in a desert that promises no relief
Only God now can help me



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She and my strange world

She and my strange world

May 11, 2014 at 10:30pm

They say you have to travel into the person's inside to see
I entered her private space and realized
Why she felt as she did

I looked at her humble beginnings and tears threatened to overpower me
Maybe this was what God wanted me to see
He wanted me to have insight to what makes her tick
I think now I understand her better than I ever did
Because of what I have seen
I realize now that God has been extremely kind to me
Inspite of my sins he brought me under the shadow of a mother
Who defended me
He empowered her to provide the best for me
She lacked everything to ensure I had all that I would ever need
And even now she continues to do this
I see my mother inside her sad somewhat determined spirit
Against all odds she has vowed to rise above it
And through it all she didn't do what she could easily have done
She didn't sell herself short
By selling her body to touts!
She believed in love
And fought for a better life for herself and the world
What manner of girl is she I thought?
I just wish I could do more
Otherwise why else was I born?
Only God can help me, help her
God help us all
Only in him can our sadness become happiness and joy


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Yonder, sad words and a song

Yonder, sad words and a song :)

May 2, 2014 at 7:26pm

I feel yonder call
Seemingly coming from the great beyond
The hunger in me stands long and tall
And still the answer seems further than it was before

I am the one searching and waiting till high lonesome comes
I am the one who is yet to find out where I truly belong
I stand before men and my God
And I know I am unworthy of what he could make me become
I am torn
Between a hunger for purity and an insane urge to be what my heavenly father never wanted me to become
And I feel the guilt flood my insides
As again and again I find myself doing what he doesn't want

I cannot explain what knocks on the heavens of my heart song
All I know is this is not where I belong
Or where I am from
The arguments ring out behind me like some bad white noise
And yet I know this is not where I belong
Or even what I want
All I can do is look at the skies
And pray for the deliverance
That only he can bring forth
Lord in heaven
You are my song
Help me to be the man you want

Hi Everyone,
                    Sorry i have been away for so long, but it was due to circumstances beyond my control. How is everyone doing? Great i hope?
Wow so much has happened within the last three months. Amnesiacs got released and is currently creating great buzz and for that I am exceedingly grateful to the almighty God. The new book Virus is shaping up nicely. About half way done...turning out to be a trifle scary but heeeeyyy.... i always aim to please and to bring the thrills.
I am currently working on something that will bring these stories to a global platform. I will keep you posted on my progress, but for now keep watching this page and my facebook page. Get ready my dear followers Akintomide Ifedayo Adigwe is about to become a household name on the world stage. To those that supported me from the beginning, this shout out is to you.
Thanks>.
Check out my books here
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&field-author=Ifedayo%20Adigwe%20Akintomide&page=1&rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AIfedayo%20Adigwe%20Akintomide

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http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4574736.Ifedayo_Adigwe_Akintomide

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Akintomide-Ifedayo-Adigwe/174300632583192
http://www.indieauthorland.com/archives/7762/Kindle-eBook/why-you-must-read-ifedayo-adigwe-akintomides-amnesiacs/

In love with an Anaconda

No one sees it like I see it
They don't long for it as I long for it
I hear it even before others hear it
I spot it among a crowd of thousands of others that move by it
I need it the way a junkie needs a fix
Its like a tick that won't go away
How I long for it...

But the only one that can give me what I need now
Sits in the heavens above me
He sees and owns the Anaconda...
My anaconda...
What I want so bad my lips drip saliva
And my eyes are opened with wonder
I am not the best son
That is a given
And a more wretched forgiving
I know many will take my whining as annoying
Especially when I know, they know I don't have to do what I am doing
He knows this even more than I do
As he knows how that Anaconda speaks to me
Or as the Yorubas would say
Or mo bi kini yen she wu mi.
I ask myself this one thing
Will owning that anaconda make me a better human being?
Make me be the man he wants me to be?
I have no answers to these probing questions
All I can say is this
Getting that anaconda is the biggest thing to me
The greatest desire of my heart
I pray his grace will make me focus
On what is important to him
So help me...

I remember

I remember lying on the beach looking at an inky black starry sky
I remember looking for pleasures and love deep in a whore's eyes
The sad thing was.... At the time...
I felt she was the one that would carry my heart high
I remember crying
Looking to a heaven I wasn't sure even existed
I remember praying to a God, my father, that sometimes acted as if he didn't hear me
Or maybe he did but didn't care what my bleeding heart was saying
I will remember this road
For as long as I go on living
I will remember each second, each minute,
The sound of the big clock ticking
I remember being alone... With no one to love me
And I remember how many times I trembled, shook with the depths of my emotions as loneliness grew from intangible to tangible
I remember saying this was a wretched unforgiving
Now I sit down with her arms around me
And I think someone up there loves me
I remember the struggle
The success
The darkness, the light
The beauty in her eyes
And I realize
God the father indeed is kind
Cos I can still smile