Monday, May 29, 2017

Diary of a lost lonely woman vol 2

I remember that December as if it were yesterday... The harmattan season had just kicked in.. the chill was everywhere.. we were days away from exams and my school fees had not been paid.

I stared at the plate of cake in front of me astounded at the obtuseness and insensitivity of my so called loving boyfriend's. They showered me with useless gifts instead of giving me something I could really use... Like MONEY!

Sam and Joshua were even better.. it was that creep Henry that was the worst. My body started to get all tingly as I thought of him. The familiar flood of self loathing filled me.

It never ceased to amaze how I could still be in love with that piece of crap after all he'd done to me. I was for lack of a better term nothing more than a bitch to him. Tears filled my eyes and I rubbed them away fiercely. Now was not the time to pine and cry over spilt milk. It didn't solve my immediate problem. MY BLOODY SCHOOL FEES!!

Just then my room mate walked in. Everyone knew what sort of person she was. I was small fry. Someone like her didn't soil her breeches by messing with small fry like I did. The boys at school were beneath her. She dealt with me. REAL men! Elderly, with plenty of cash to burn. Not sure why her eyes drifted my way that day. Usually the only greeting I expected from her was a perfunctory nod in my direction

But that day she took one look at me and asked "What's wrong?" In retrospect I think she probably sensed easy prey... Gullible gal's like me she could bend to her will by showing a little care and concern.

Sad to say I bought into her crap and found myself telling her everything. She gave me one look after I was done and chuckled. "Is that all? I thought you had cancer or something. Well that's not a problem. Are you serious about getting a solution to your school fees problem?"

I nodded violently. She smiled again and said ____ "Then it's settled__ we're going out tonight. There is someone I want to introduce you to who can make all your financial problems go away."

I sat up, really interested. "Who is this man? What is his name?"

"His name my dear is Mustapha Hajji. And he is the only man who can give you what you need. See you at nine pm."

And with a swirl of her wide skirt she was gone. I pondered on her words for nearly an hour afterwards. I didn't realize then that was the beginning of another chapter in my life... The GENESIS of my downward spiral to destruction and loneliness. That was the day I met Mustapha Hajji.... More when we speak again 

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Diary of a lost lonely woman

People speak of luck and love as if they're two things every human being is automatically born with.
But that would be a lie. I have for the most part found myself to be unlucky in love. I grew up believing all the crock... You watch Disney movies long enough and you might be tempted to believe happily ever after actually exists. I was the more deceived. 
School; and when I say school I mean higher institution, was every hormone crazy boy or girls wet dream. 
The freedom was invigorating. You could do anything you wanted to do and no one was there to nag or lecture you.
I didn't know it at the time but that was when my dance with the devil began. I had a boyfriend... It was such an exciting experience that I said to myself why stop at one? Then I got another and then another... The power I wielded over the seemingly gullible guys who fell over themselves to satisfy my every whim was an intoxicating rush that cannot be put into words. 
One was different from the rest. His confidence and sheer masculine attraction was almost too much to bear. He quickly cast his spell and instead of being the player I was the one being played. 
It was inevitable.. sex came.... And I found myself a slave. He dumped me when the euphoria of our countless sexual encounters wore off. It was then I understood the game.
I changed.. evolved... It became not about the rush, the physical extremities of pleasure... No.... Nothing as blaise or inconsequential as that. It became about the money.... I'll tell you more about it when next I come visiting... Until then.... Bon voyage

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Tuesday, April 25, 2017

The world we live in

We live in a world rife with injustices. A world of unfairness, unfaithfulness, seeded with corruption. A world where right is categorized as wrong, and wrong categorized as right.
I live in a world of beautiful scenery, prettier people, with a heart for giving; hardworking, relentless, willing to pursue their objectives in spite of the ugly cards life has dealt them. It’s here you find people going about their business; to church, work, the million other places normal people go; even when an uncaring government doesn’t pay them their dues.
This is a world where people build beauty out of ashes. A country where mothers do all to ensure their wards don’t go hungry. A world where constant power is something of a distant memory; a world where leaders tell us we should be grateful to receive what citizens in other countries call rights.
They steal our money, smear our honour and the worst part is we give them a hero’s welcome after their dastardly deeds come to light. We are for lack of a better term idiotic and foolish; the bane of the average Nigerian. Personally I don’t blame the bloodsucking leaders. I blame the citizen’s, the ruled who are unwilling to get off their fat butts and tell these godless despots that they aren’t doing what they ought to do. We simply celebrate them, sing their praises to high heavens just cos of a bowl of porridge, the five thousand, two thousand, ten thousand they give to sell your soul to the devil.
This is our world. This is our time ___ a mineral resource filled goldmine, a perfect creation of the divine. This is black world, a black Nirvana; a place I’ll like to call merry ol’ Nigeria. 

Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Devil

People speak of the devil like he is one far off distant figure. But I'll have you know he dwells amongst us. I see him in people, in things, in happenings all around the globe. Fortunately these happenings have so far steered clear of me...Not cos of my own right doing but cos of the Lord's mercy.
 The devil walks amongst us... The Prince of this world. Bringing death and destruction on those who refuse God's mercy.I see him in fights you have with loved ones. I see him present when a husband murders his wife in cold blood.I see him when a man abandons his family and flees with another woman. I see him when wars and rumours of wars rise beyond the horizon.He is a creature of deception. And if care is not taken he will deceive God's elected.
 I see nations overtaken by hunger, I see dead bodies litter a once pristine landscape casualties of an eternal war.... Lambs to the slaughter. If there is evil in any man we know who is his master. Man is good, and yet evil, a continuous battle forever raging. Whichever part he feeds becomes that which he is.
 I see you out there trying to lure me out of here... from under bosom and canopy of the Lord God. Hear my words. Pity you can't read these thoughts. I am not lost, I am hidden. In the arms of he who loves me. I recognize you are the devil but I am a god and with the backing of my father you have no place with me. You are the devil... I am God! I dwell in him through Jesus Christ who is one with him. I see the devil but not with me...
 I see him in the darkness surrounding the earth. This is a call to all others. Run this race, look to the one who persevered to the end.The devil's influence has come to an eternal end. Where do I begin? Let me start at the time where things didn't go as well as they do now. It's time for me to FLY... to the top ___ above the mountains where he and his minions will never find me

Monday, January 23, 2017

Granny's gone

Granny's gone
When I thought about her yesterday morning I never thought 3 am today will be when she'll sing her final song
This is wrong...
God I failed her in all ways not missing one
Granny now that you're gone I see so many ways I went wrong
I had it all mapped out.. it was figured
What arrogance on my part to think I couldn't be wrong
And I was wrong. Terribly so...
Life and it's great odds didn't allow me to do what I should have done.
I should have bought you a car. I should have built you a house. I should have called you more
I should have done it all.... 
Sadly it wasn't enough. And now you're gone I feel dazed and lost. I thought we had more time. I hoped I could increase the line.
I didn't know I would have this ache in my heart and my spine. Because I didn't do all you would have liked
You've been such an integral part of my life. I am not one of those guys who'd cry... But it's like there is a hole... A void... In the center of my being that I know nothing will ever fill. You were everything and more to me
I am sorry I never got many more times to say it. I remember the times I ran around in your peaceful little compound in Offa
I remember running to the library in Adesoye to borrow books. I remember how you smiled when you saw me bent over reading
I remember you correcting my essays. I realize now you were the genesis of my writing career. You sparked the flames that are slowly burning worldwide. 
I failed you in life but I won't fail you in death. My next two books will be dedicated to you. I will become a bestselling author to fulfil a mere smudge of the great legacy you left to many who love you. This I owe to you.
Sleep tight granny, hope I see you at the other side where there is no pain and endless dew. See you when I see you 

Monday, January 2, 2017

2017 and what comes next

It was a fun festive season ___
I tried not to consider so many unanswered questions.
I tried not to feel abandoned
I tried not to feel God doesn't think about my struggles
And most importantly, i tried not to feel lost and perhaps accursed
forgotten by all __ maybe even God
But like all things __ the festive season has come to a satisfactory end

Tomorrow I'll be back at the grind
Back in my line
back to the basics of what is my life
I look into her eyes
And I see her determination to remain by my side
Why she wants this is what I find hard to define

2017 says on your marks __ get set __ and go __
For years I've wondered what I am doing wrong
Same state __ different day __
where does it end?
What is my gift? Of what use is it if time continues to be spent

I am lost in a vent
God forgive me for the errors of 2015 and '16 and make this year blessed
You are all I have otherwise I am bent
And there will be naught but the end
Lord empower me to reach peak and my blessed end
Be kind to my soul and help me
My words have ceased __ nothing more can be bent
let this year be my year ___
Father help this tired soul break bread, and see satisfaction that can't be spent. 

Friday, December 16, 2016

Nigeria and it's political climate - The Blind leading the blind

The Nigerian political climate – The blind leading the blind

Nigeria is a wonderful country, filled with millions of wonderful people. Say what you like about Nigeria and its people, but we are hardworking, resourceful, intelligent and adaptable; blessed with a great wealth of natural and human resources. A fact many say has made us an envy politically and geographically.
But as with many systems and many nations there are shortcomings, blights as it were on the political landscape. The greatest of these blights is the issue of corruption. It has a stranglehold on the nation. It is a cankerworm and it festers, eating into the very fabric of the Nigerian existence.
We’ve had presidents, lawmakers, senators, stand during election periods, making insane promises; swearing to take us to our Canaan. Sadly, that Canaan seems to get further away even after seventeen years of democracy. Who do we blame? The people or the government __ some might argue the people are the government since government is formed from the people. Isn’t that what the most basic definition of democracy is? Government of the people by the people __ let me also add allowed by the people.
I turned on the radio this morning, and one of the breaking news headlines was the rejection of Ibrahim Magu as the Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission by the Senate. The reason for his rejection was his failing an integrity test. The senate said it reached this decision based on a report submitted by the DSS.
The report accused him of corruption and hobnobbing with high profile Nigerians facing corruption charges and also living a high profile lifestyle that his income could not afford. A few of his misdemeanours were living in a forty million rented apartment (Not paid by the commission’s finances but a private individual) and flying first class after repeated warnings from the president not to.
This report brought to mind a similar report several years back, in 2007 to be exact where the then speaker of the House of Representatives Dimeji Bankole announced to the Nigerian public that the sum of $16 billion dollars had been expended on power between April 1999 and June 2007 with no result. It was the acknowledgement of the worsening power situation that led to the creation of a committee to probe the staggering amount, headed by Godwin Ndudi Elumelu who later opened public hearings.
After the second phase of the hearing took place and submission of findings began, allegations of a N100million bribe was levelled on the committee thus destroying the validity of the process.
These situations though different bear a certain similarity to each other giving me a fear that perhaps all these so called crackdowns on corruption are simply cheap talks which results to nothing more a slap on the wrist with the system returning to a business as usual approach on things.
This begs the question __ how do we have justice and fair play on the economic and political landscape of this nation if the people supposed to be protecting our rights as citizens are the ones abusing them?
In the United Kingdom, David Cameron resigned for his failure with Brexit. He regretted his inability to keep the UK in the Eurozone and for that singular reason found himself unfit to continue as Prime Minister. We have other examples in many countries where leaders, captains of industries resigned their appointments when their names appeared in the infamous Panama Papers.
But not only do our leaders not resign when evidence of their shortcomings come to light. They continue to administer justice in whatever capacity they see fit. Take the charges levelled against the senate president for gross issues of corruption for instance, in-spite of these charges he continues to run the affairs of the senate.
Who is telling the truth? What is the way forward? Where are we going as a nation? These are questions I think every Nigerian and especially the youths have to ask his or herself in the coming years ahead.
Can the continued plundering of our nation’s resources be allowed to continue at the detriment of our starving people? I think not. Is our present president up to the task of turning around the nation’s dire circumstances? I do not know. Many would argue the situation has worsened considerably since he took over.
Be that as it may, I want to take a cue from one of Michael Jackson’s most beloved songs ‘Man in the Mirror’. Change is not an event but a process. And every change no matter how little starts from somewhere. Michael postulated asking the man in the mirror to change his ways. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? If you are like me and you see yourself I’d advise you be the change you want to see. Take the cell, as infinitesimal as it is, a change within it affects the whole body system.
We need a call to shy away from this culture of acquisition, the habit of accepting wrong as right. We need to stand for our rights and most especially the truth. A nation not founded on truth and transparency is headed for a painful fall.
It’s my opinion that America is this great today because their founding fathers founded their nation on Christianity and truth. Though it is necessary to note they have deviated from the tenets their nation was built on but that doesn’t dispute the fact they are one of the greatest nations on the earth.
I believe we can be like that one day if we stop acting like the three blind mice. The blind following the blind __ I long for an economic and political climate where we all see, because seeing is believing and believing the first step to achieving ___ achieving Greatness.