Sunday, November 27, 2016

Jumbles and ribbons- of words

They call it serpent's call... Words like some sort of twisted folklore. I see legions treading on the grounds I adore, telling me tall tales of what they think lie in store
For me, a nice homeboy who likes to roar when he is pissed by the nonsense the world has come to love and it burns so much.
I sit in my car... Parked staring as if looking at the great beyond as I wonder about my place in it. People look down and think am finished. I on the other hand chose to believe am just beginning. I am not sure I care what the others are thinking. Its just me... A new horizon, a new beginning... A vision I see where I am always winning.
I pray father in heaven will set the ball rolling and spinning.
Even if I am alone let me be bethroled with my successes. I have learnt enough of life's cruel lessons. Help me to begin the process of living... Lord let their be forgiving. Let me understand my reason for living 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Scattered thoughts

My thoughts are scattered. Why shouldn’t they be? Couldn’t explain the frenetic pace even if I wanted to___ i believe in God. Yeah! Who doesn’t?
I’ve disappointed him. He tracks me. He sees me. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks when he looks at me. The bible says he loves me. I find that hard to believe. There isn’t much to love about me. I am disobedient, I don’t listen and most often I let my emotions and lusts drive me.
He is my Father __ the only one that matters. He gave me this gift __ the only thing I have. I am not so dumb I don’t know without him I am not worth the dirt I walk on.
Its taking so long. My fault __ A result of my not thinking enough. Being bold, different, taking the necessary steps needed. Freedom unhinged in a moment.
I could argue about my circumstances, but that argument rings hollow in my ears. My sisters have rightly told me I should step up and be a man. I was pissed but they are right. Right now, I am not the man, I am just someone trying to be the man.
Mum thinks differently. But what else would she say? Mum’s are nice like that.
The heavens turn a tide crimson, sun’s blazing __ evening is a-coming. Then another night will come calling. Another night of regret and continuous censure, as I beat myself up left, right and centre facing what could be a happily ever after.
The pressure is heavy __ my breaths have never been this steady. I hear the word bebop and rock-steady. I am ready!

Not like him or them

I don't want to be like him.. this is a moment of great introspection. My father had the trappings of a great man. The signs were there. Sadly, he fell short of the mark. I have spent years trying to analyse what went wrong.
I am a man now. People tell me I also have what it takes to be a great individual. But I live with the ever present fear of falling short of the mark. I over think things I guess. Life has a way of screwing with your mind. I hear voices engaged in shouting matches in my mind. "You are going to be like him." "NO!!!! I WON'T!!!"
The last few weeks have been a real test of my strength and resolve to stick and stand by what I want. I have been judged, criticized, referred to as something or someone I do not really like. But I chose not to fight. I chose not to engage in what would have labelled me a child.
I chose to let the criticism bounce off me like water off a ducks back. I don't want to be like him. My dad. I want to be better than him.
I want to be the man God, my parents and siblings would be proud of. I am not searching for approval from anyone. I don't need it. What I do need is to look back over my life and realize I did most things right.
I don't want to be like them. I want to be better than them and have my own kids be proud of who I am and what I achieved