Friday, July 7, 2017

A crippling bride price

Her eyes were clouded with pain ___ the pain wasn't dissimilar from the one in my heart. I hated to see her this way. It hurt me more than anything. The worst part was, she felt this pain because of me. She was literally fighting to be with me.
Her parent's for lack of a better adjective to use are 'tools!' A wise man once postulated that the enemies of a man are in his house. I used to think people from the east were beautiful people. My mum hails from the eastern part of the country and she is one of the most beautiful and sacrificing people I know. My dad ___ well___ let's just say there is literally no one on the planet earth that is quite like him. You decide if I mean that in a good way __ lol
But these easterners that call themselves mother and father to the girl of my dreams are some of the worst people I have ever seen. A Yoruba man without much experience relating with easterners might be tempted to think every easterner is a money grubbing blood sucking tick. Fortunately having related with my mum for thirty seven and a half years I am able to give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps all easterners aren't like this.
I want to marry their daughter; no harm no foul, a man's gotta get hitched sometime. And if you've get a caring, loving and seductive beauty hanging on your every word you'd want to tie the knot as soon as possible. Until perhaps her dad goes home under the guise of securing the marriage list (dowry) and you discover he is trying to bill you over Three Million Naira just because you want to marry his daughter. I chuckle as I write this, asking myself if he ever thought to ask if I have seen that amount of money in my life.
My journey to marry has been ___ well __ a blessing (speaking through the veil of hope). My mother took one look at the list and bailed vowing never to darken the steps of the (as she put it) FOOLISH MAN. But it gets worse __ after my dad and I being diplomatic appealed to him to accept between a hundred and fifty thousand and two hundred thousand (which I'd still have had to save for). He now gave the knock out punch.
He said even if I was dropping that small amount of money I'd have to sign a sort of MOU. Put it in writing and sign that I am still owing him money. My dad and I were speechless! It was surreal. It got us wondering whether he was in the business of selling his daughters. A daughter I might add he did not train. She has been doing all manner of menial jobs to see herself through school from a very young age. And most times when she brings her salary home under the guise of saving it for her he spends it on his own needs. His wife seems very supportive of this. Which makes me wonder; if one has parents' like that you really do not need enemies.
I have gotten a lot of friendly advice, from friends, spiritual fathers, family, the whole nine yards. The general consensus is I leave the girl and find someone else. The old person I used to be might have. But I will stick it out __ as long as she remains determined to be with me. The sun is rising across the deep.
Parents out there __ please listen to this. Your children are not commodities you batter and trade with at will. Your children are not bank accounts or safety deposit boxes that you can keep going out to withdraw as you please. The bible says a responsible parent will leave an inheritance for his children and children's children. It is good if your children take care of you when you're older but you shouldn't toy with their destinies cos you want to become a millionaire overnight. Easterners in Nigeria, hear this and hear this well. Stop selling your daughters __ a good son in law who sees how fair you were when giving out your daughter will always respect and admire you for it. And if he is decent will make sure he does everything to treat the girl well. A word is enough for the wise.

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