Friday, November 18, 2016

Not like him or them

I don't want to be like him.. this is a moment of great introspection. My father had the trappings of a great man. The signs were there. Sadly, he fell short of the mark. I have spent years trying to analyse what went wrong.
I am a man now. People tell me I also have what it takes to be a great individual. But I live with the ever present fear of falling short of the mark. I over think things I guess. Life has a way of screwing with your mind. I hear voices engaged in shouting matches in my mind. "You are going to be like him." "NO!!!! I WON'T!!!"
The last few weeks have been a real test of my strength and resolve to stick and stand by what I want. I have been judged, criticized, referred to as something or someone I do not really like. But I chose not to fight. I chose not to engage in what would have labelled me a child.
I chose to let the criticism bounce off me like water off a ducks back. I don't want to be like him. My dad. I want to be better than him.
I want to be the man God, my parents and siblings would be proud of. I am not searching for approval from anyone. I don't need it. What I do need is to look back over my life and realize I did most things right.
I don't want to be like them. I want to be better than them and have my own kids be proud of who I am and what I achieved 

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