Tired and angry

Tired and angry

May 27, 2014 at 12:41am

I am angry..
At what I can almost hear you ask me
I am mad at the world
At everything... And then at nothing
I don't understand the fury that surges up from the bottom of my stomach
Vain fury... At what?
Who knows?
I know
At her smug look
Like she put one over me
Like she left a loser like me stuck in the mud
While she rides on a snowy white horse
With a made man who is all a girl could ever want

I feel like I have lost it all
Which is insane cos I have a lot
I am tired of being the one with the bad end of the stick
I am tired of being the one who is forging on, my eyes ringing with the mocking of people who revel in my defeat
Sometimes I wonder what I can do so God will help me
Its like I am on a four lane road which leads nowhere
I wish someone could understand the need I have to head home
To stop bashing my head against a stone
I am tired of walking alone
Tired of mocking and smug looks at the emptiness of my zone
I am tired of being alone
Tired of the lack of substance in my home
God I am tired of this sick, weird game..
My own weird and personal game of thrones
If you do not save me
I am doomed to walk this earth on my own
I have a lot to do before I can grow
Help me Lord so I know
I do not fight this fight alone




For more on my books and writing follow this link and grab a copy(ies)
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/semanticdmax

A cold thing and senseless feelings

A cold thing and senseless feelings

May 27, 2014 at 12:19am

Its cold...
It always is nowadays.
A man like me is supposed to walk alone
Because at this moment I have no real home
No place of abode
Only a heaviness of spirit, an emptiness that no substance could ever feel
Until this dream becomes real

No one can understand how I feel
No one knows how deep..
These wound go and how much they sting
No one knows how much I would give
For relief
I don't seem
To have strenght left in me to fight this thing
This is the time my father you could wade in and deliver me
I hurt her!!
And this is one thing I DO see.
However what to do about it seems impossible for me
I am at my wits end struggling for water in a desert that promises no relief
Only God now can help me



For more on my books and writing follow this link and grab a copy(ies)
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/semanticdmax

She and my strange world

She and my strange world

May 11, 2014 at 10:30pm

They say you have to travel into the person's inside to see
I entered her private space and realized
Why she felt as she did

I looked at her humble beginnings and tears threatened to overpower me
Maybe this was what God wanted me to see
He wanted me to have insight to what makes her tick
I think now I understand her better than I ever did
Because of what I have seen
I realize now that God has been extremely kind to me
Inspite of my sins he brought me under the shadow of a mother
Who defended me
He empowered her to provide the best for me
She lacked everything to ensure I had all that I would ever need
And even now she continues to do this
I see my mother inside her sad somewhat determined spirit
Against all odds she has vowed to rise above it
And through it all she didn't do what she could easily have done
She didn't sell herself short
By selling her body to touts!
She believed in love
And fought for a better life for herself and the world
What manner of girl is she I thought?
I just wish I could do more
Otherwise why else was I born?
Only God can help me, help her
God help us all
Only in him can our sadness become happiness and joy


For more of my writing follow this link
 https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/semanticdmax

Yonder, sad words and a song

Yonder, sad words and a song :)

May 2, 2014 at 7:26pm

I feel yonder call
Seemingly coming from the great beyond
The hunger in me stands long and tall
And still the answer seems further than it was before

I am the one searching and waiting till high lonesome comes
I am the one who is yet to find out where I truly belong
I stand before men and my God
And I know I am unworthy of what he could make me become
I am torn
Between a hunger for purity and an insane urge to be what my heavenly father never wanted me to become
And I feel the guilt flood my insides
As again and again I find myself doing what he doesn't want

I cannot explain what knocks on the heavens of my heart song
All I know is this is not where I belong
Or where I am from
The arguments ring out behind me like some bad white noise
And yet I know this is not where I belong
Or even what I want
All I can do is look at the skies
And pray for the deliverance
That only he can bring forth
Lord in heaven
You are my song
Help me to be the man you want